Tonight I got a wake up call that I wrote about on my Paradoxology blog.  The gist is, I tend to expect to do something just once and then it stay perfect.  Yeah, that’s realistic.  Not to mention, if it did, then I’d be stuck with a flabby body and no housework with which to reduce the flab.

On the success thread, I am officially down to a size eighteen and have dropped 3 underwear sizes.  Just sayin’.  I figure, if I’m going to humiliate myself, I might as well brag about it.  Now, if I can just keep going.  Pound me, people.  Push me.  Tell me to scrub the ceiling with a toothbrush and no ladder.  *collapses on the floor in helpless laughter*

As for today, I scrubbed 3 cabinets.  Yep.  That’s it.  And that’s probably all I’ll do, but if I can, I’ll try the bottom companions after a rest.

Meanwhile, I haven’t drank enough water today, I ate 3 meals, and had Coke.  Yep,  I did.  And it’s good.

Ok, the editing calls.  How come you can’t burn enough calories with cerebral muscles?  These are the questions that keep me from getting stuff done.

We’re not going to talk about the fact that it’s been almost another month.  Furthermore, we’re not going to talk about the fact that I’ve not dropped an ounce in that month.  We are going to talk about pride.

It just occurred to me that if I am not posting my workouts, it may appear that I’m not doing them.  While that’s normally cause for some slight chagrin, it’s not usually a big embarrassment– unless your workouts are your HOUSE CLEANING!  Eeek!  Um… Gulp.

I would like to state for the record, that it has not been a month since I’ve cleaned my house.  Furthermore, I would like to state that my house is actually reasonably clean right now.  However, since not posting makes it appear that I’m not doing anything, I think I need to really make a concentrated effort at least to put up a list even if I don’t comment on it.  So, if the journal says a few little things and no commentary, well, at least no one is wondering WHY my toilets haven’t been cleaned for months on end.  They have!  Trust me!

Back to the bathroom for another scrub.  I’m so dish-illusioned.

So, where have I been for all of the past couple of months?  Have I been working out and keeping my house clean?  Nope.  I have not.

Have I given up?  Nope.

You see, November is NaNoWriMo month.  That has an official sounding title (National Novel Writing Month) but what it really stands for is, “National Novel WRITHING Month”.  It’s the month where idiots like me work our brains to the max and try to crank out 50,000 (count the zeros people) words in 30 days.  I wrapped up at 11:57 p.m. on November, 30 with 92,547 words and a “completed” manuscript.  Now I get to edit.  Gulp.  Yeah.

So, if you want to even hint that I didn’t spend October and November (October was “write whatever I can to keep me from starting the November book” month) “working out”, you’re likely to find yourself with an earful (or if you’re an internet friend, an eyeful).

Did my house suffer?  OH YEAH.  Let’s just say that

1.  I didn’t require my kids to do my work for me on a daily basis.  Yes, they picked up the slack, but I didn’t “assign” my jobs to anyone.  When it got noticeable to the point where I couldn’t stand to look at it anymore, then I simply said, “Hey you (pointing to the Havig slave child closest to me), I need you to wipe down the bathroom sink.  It used to be cream colored.”  Then the kid would come out a minute or two later and say, “Oh, I thought you’d painted it gray to match the tub!”  At that point, I’d call another Havig slave kid and say, “Hey, I need you to scrub the tub.  It used to be cream like the sink.”  That kid would come out and say, “Oh, I thought it used to be gray like the floor.”  Ad nauseam.

2.  I’m still recovering from the mess.  I would hereby like to thank my family for attempting to keep me sane during the month with their cleaning efforts and I’d love to thank my husband for keeping us fed.  Let’s just say that the entire family would have lost a ton of weight had he not done that.  Except for me.  Sigh.  That would have been nice, but alas, it doesn’t work that way for me.

The good news is, while my house fell to pieces and took five thousand steps backward, after a month of more Coke than a single human being should be allowed to consume, more Brach’s Cinnamon Imperials than a human being should be allowed to consume, and hardly moving from my comfy recliner, I did not gain back a single ounce.  I’m hovering in the same 220-222 range that I was when I stopped.  Yes, I’ve dipped below to 219 a time or two also.  That is encouraging.  Most days, I don’t make it to 222 but thanks to the monthly appearance of an unwelcome visitor I call “George” (like Nancy Drew’s friend), I did a couple of times.

So, what did I do today to encourage the fat to melt and the muscle to tone and the clothes to fall off my body?  I’ll tell ya!  I folded five loads of laundry in thirty minutes while working out the entire time.  I did knee lifts, marches, side steps, back kicks, front kicks, squats, and jogged in place.  I forgot twists.  When I do the hang ups in a while, I’ll twist (but not shout—everyone is sleeping) too.  I kept my heart rate up for 25 minutes and had a very slow additional 10 minute cool down where I got my water and stretched my muscles nicely.  I am now sitting next to my window, which is open, and the 36 degree air feels heavenly.

As far as eating goes, let’s just say I have been and keep it at that.

Today I had half a muffin,  a bowl of chili, and some crackers.  I needed some veggies so if I get hungry before I go to bed, I’m thinking I’ll steam me some spinach and squirt a smidge of Italian dressing on it.  It’s SOOOOOOOO good.  MMM.

As for Mutt, well she’s still recovering from the birth of her adorable little daughter, but I’m thinking it’s time to start a few little stretches and twists here and there.  Christmas is coming and who wants to feel like they’re still sore from baby aches on Christmas.  So, let’s all give her a smidge of encouragement.  With a few stretches to dust off the doorjambs and a few squats to swipe at the baseboards, she’ll get the blood pumping and if nothing else, sleep great.

Thank you Tawna… just what I needed.  I think.

No, I don’t want to be at 219.8 all my life.  I don’t.  But I can take it for a few days/weeks if necessary.  Furthermore, I am having trouble keeping up my jeans.  So, I grabbed a tape measure and pulled the waistband away from my body.  I measured.  SIX FULL INCHES!!!  Well, actually, I think it was more, but I couldn’t hold the pants out, hold the measuring tape, pull on one, hold on the other, and keep my pants up at the same time.

I have to buy more clothes.  I can’t wear those for much longer.  I spent all day hiking them up and while that does add a few more calories burned—the up and down motion of the arm and such, it’s really too much of a hassle than the couple of calories are worth.  To illustrate how loose they are, I stood in the bathroom, arms straight out to my sides (remember how much BIGGER my hips are than my waist) and twisted at the waist until the pants fell down.  Five twists and they puddle around my ankle.  I’d wear a belt but the dumb things don’t have loops.  I’m going to do some adjusting tomorrow.  I can’t risk the um… catastrophe that could occur if I jumped up and down for joy.  EEEK.

My father called today.  Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE telephones.  Despise them suckers.  So, when I’m on the phone, in order to avoid saying insipid things that show how miserable I am, I try to clean.  Today I cleaned a LOT in the kitchen.  I scrubbed door jambs, the stove, the sink, the counters, the lids of my cloth and towel containers, the surface of the cabinets, the shelves, the appliances, the window sills… let’s just say I CLEANED.  The stupid kitchen is still not spotless, but it’s mucho bettero.  (That’s Kevin’s pidgin Spanish for those who might misunderstand and think that I am foolish enough to consider that an actual word.)

I ate leftover chicken salad, a chicken sandwich from Burger King, and pizza for dinner.  I’m dying for some spinach.  I think I’ll have that tomorrow and a V-8 before bed.  Water.  I’m guzzlin’ the water.

I fully expect to get very little done tomorrow.  I’m feeling under the monthly weather and miserable.  But, I can fold laundry, put it away, make the bed, and write and edit.  That’ll have to do.

Hasty la visty.  Can’t wait for my date with Sir Weighty.

Ten years later (or thereabouts), I wake up and stumble into the bathroom.  I call for a towel as I strip for a shower (suddenly this blog got R rated or something.  Eek!).  Sir Weighty gallantly averts his eyes while I dutifully stand on his white surface.  Yawning, I look down.  I blink.  I shake my head.  I look down again.  When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 219.8 and without reindeer!  (I’m a bit obsessed with Santa right now.  Blame Authonomy).

Life is good.  I’ve seen the other side of 220 for the first time in at least a decade.  I am happified.

Today’s work…

My Bedroom

• · Rotate mattress
• Change sheets
• Dust shelves
• Fix shelf
• Clean out the dump ground
• · Sweep floor
• · Empty trash
• Mop
• Wash inside windows
• Clean closet floor
• Scrub door and doorjambs

I also did work in there that wasn’t on the list.  Once I got in the room, I found lots of things to do.  I also did maintenance in the bathroom, kitchen, living room… just none of the “big things”

I also took a ¾ mile walk or so.

Food wise, I had

Chicken salad

Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans

Oreos & milk.

So all in all, successful day.  I only burned about 600 extra calories, but every calorie counts!

However, before I went to bed, I spent half an hour doing work in the bathroom.  Yeah.  Well, it needed it.  What can I say?  So while I didn’t get a ton done, I did get a lot more done than I might have if I hadn’t made that endless list of stuff to do.  So, on the list for today… this is how it stands.  (Since I concentrated in the bathroom, I just showed this section.  Seemed a waste to repaste the WHOLE thing.)

Bathroom

• Scrub tub
• Scrub windowsill
• · Dump empty bottles
• Clean out under sink
• · Scrub sink
• Scrub cabinet and clean out
• · Scrub toilet
• · Scrub floor
• · Scrub doorjambs and door

Lots done but not nearly enough.

However, I ate well.  I had…

½ a Philly Sandwich

Lemon Pepper Chicken and rice

V-8 juice

Coke

Water

Not great, but good.

Sir Weighty’s forecast is calling for 221.0 lbs and light showers from the ocular regions.  Seriously, when will I get under 220?  I’ve been over it for at least 10 years!

When planning my work for today, I forgot that it was a friend’s birthday and she and her children were coming to my house for the day.  Not much work done there.  By the time they left, I was dead and had things to catch up on, so instead of cleaning, I did those things while making a list to do the rest of the week.  Here it is.  I’ll try to keep up with how much of it I got accomplished.  We’ll see.

Living Room

• Dust upper shelves
• Dust bookshelves
• Water plants
• Wash doorjambs
• Wash door knobs
• Vacuum out the couch
• Sweep the floors
• Clean the mirror
• Mop the floors
• Dust heater
• Scrub heater
• Wash inside windows

My Bedroom

• Rotate mattress
• Change sheets
• Dust shelves
• Fix shelf
• Clean out the dump ground
• Sweep floor
• Empty trash
• Mop
• Wash inside windows
• Clean closet floor
• Scrub door and doorjambs

Bathroom

• Scrub tub
• Scrub windowsill
• Dump empty bottles
• Clean out under sink
• Scrub sink
• Scrub cabinet and clean out
• Scrub toilet
• Scrub floor
• Scrub doorjambs and door

Hallway

• Scrub doors and doorjambs
• Sweep
• Mop
• Dust heater
• Scrub heater

Outside

• Sweep steps
• Sweep driveway
• Arrange area by gate

Kitchen

• Scrub tops of cabinets
• Scrub windowsills and doorjambs
• Scrub door
• Shake and wash rugs
• Wash appliances
• Wash towel/rag boxes
• Oil counters
• Scrub floor
• Scrub stove
• Scrub micro
• Wash table runner
• Wipe down cabinets
• Wipe down shelves
• Clear cabinet tops
• Shop on Friday

As you can see, there’s a lot that needs doing.  That’s not including regular pick ups and laundry folding/putting away.

Work.  Must work.

Meanwhile, I’m off to bed.  Goodnight.

I tried an experiment this week.  I thought perhaps I’d get more done if I spent more time cleaning and less time writing.  It occurred to me that I should try a weekly summary of my progress rather than daily drivel about how much of this and how little of that.  Alas, I was wrong.

Somehow, that accountability of writing daily keeps me working more.  I noticed it the first day, but I thought perhaps it was like any new thing.  Well, it’s not.  Without the daily reckoning, I found that I did a lick and a promise at best.

I’m back to daily digests.  It was a good lesson and Sir Weighty, who made an appearance the minute I decided not to do a daily post, was favorably disposed to my lack of work.  I’ve hovered around 220.4 for days.  I’m glad of that, but I wonder what Sir Weighty is thinking.  Why is he being so benevolent to a lazy bones?

With the denture adhesive, I’ve been eating a wider variety of food and with a full five pounds off my body, this is working.  I am thrilled to know it.  I am just bored to write it.  So, alas, you’re stuck with the daily notes.  I find it an interesting commentary on my personality.  I’m afraid I am still like a child.  Must have to account to someone to prove I’ve done the work or I won’t do it.

Wish me luck and lots of sweat.

Okay, temper tantrum over.

Jeff???  Where are you?  Are you drowning in your own stories or are you working out by cleaning your house? 

We’re doing okay here.  The kiddos and their AMAZING father (yup…I have one of those husbands that Jeff was talking about too) have been helping me keep the house in pre-baby mode.  I’m really hoping we can move from pre-baby mode to BABY mode.   I am very aware that I’m obsessed.  It happens.  LOL

Today, I tried to rest and get lots and lots of sleep…I got a little bit.  The family did some cleaning and then after dinner tonight I gave my almost 5 year old boy a haircut.  I don’t know if that resulted in any loss of calories, but it sure felt like a workout.   I wonder if it would be a little absurd to install a barber chair in my kitchen?  Hmmm…it would have to disappear into the floor when I’m not using it, otherwise I’d just trip over it constantly.  It sure would be nice for cutting hair though.  I’m tall.  I like having the option of the chair moving up so I’m not in a hunchback position to get to their head.  Just thinking out loud here…that’s all.

So…my USEFUL part of this random post.  I received an email today that had 5 exercise tips for beginners.  I thought they weren’t the normal tips that you receive, so I’m going to toss them out there. These came in an email from FitnessPros.com

1) Just get Dressed
If you find yourself not wanting to work out, start with baby steps. Make a deal with yourself to just put on your workout clothes (or even just get them together). Tell yourself if you’re just going to put them on. Chances are if you put them on, you will at least be able to talk yourself into the next step, which is to work out for five minutes. Again, the chances are that if you can talk yourself into working out for five minutes, you will probably go ahead and finish the workout anyway. If you are bored with your routine, get a personal trainer to mix things up. A good personal trainer should be able to keep coming up with new workouts to keep things fun.

2) Running Shoes
You should have at least two pairs of running shoes. Let’s call them pair A and pair B. If you wear pair A today, next time wear pair B. Giving the shoes a day off can help keep their cushioning ability from breaking down so quick. Most running shoes should only be kept until you’ve put about 500 miles on them. That means if you have two pairs of shoes, and you are running 15 to 20 miles per week, replace them about once per year. And stagger that too. For example, replace one pair in April and the other in September. The shoes may still feel good, but trust me, the cushioning ability only lasts about 500 miles. Before you throw them away, show them to your personal trainer. A good personal trainer should be able to examine the wear patterns of the shoe and make recommendations that can prevent injuries.

3) Protect your Tendons
If you are just beginning to lift weights, don’t go too heavy too soon. It is common to be able to lift much heavier weights in a very short time. For example, it is not uncommon for someone who has trouble bench presseing 100 pounds on the first workout to be able to lift 130 or 140 within month or two. The fact is their muscles didn’t grow enough yet to get that much stronger. What happens first is that the nervous system gets better at firing the muscles, so when your brain says lift, your nervous system learns to fire all of those muscles now better. The tendons don’t get strong quickly. It’s wise to not do any one rep max lifts for the first couple of months. Olympic lifts are even harder on your tendons (Olympic lifts are done explosively, where the weight is violently jerked off the floor, as in the clean and jerk). Work up to them slowly. Never attempt Olympic lifts unless a qualified personal trainer has taught you all of the safety points.


4) Exercising Outside
If you are going to exercise outside, you need to make sure you are prepared for the heat or cold. If it’s hot out, dress in clothes that are made of a light colored, breathable fabric that wicks the moisture away. Wear a hat, sunglasses, and sunblock as necessary. Drink enough water to stay well hydrated. If it’s cold, dress in layers that you can easily remove. Be careful of running on slippery surfaces like ice and snow. It’s best to start out slow. Keep your first outdoor workouts to 10 minutes or so. Gradually add a few more minutes each workout, as your body gets used to the conditions. And have fun!

5) Make some Adjustments
If you are working with weight machines, don’t forget to adjust the machine to fit you. Have a good personal trainer show you how to set up the machine so that all of the alignments are biomechanically correct. If you work with a personal trainer, here is a test to see if your trainer is any good. If your personal trainer doesn’t adjust the machine’s seat, backrest, etc to fit you before asking you to perform the lift, run away! That person is a bad personal trainer.